Ramadhan: of joy and tears

Happy Ramadhan readers.

Last night was the first time we brought AE to have tarawih at the mosque. Hubby said he was well-behaved throughout and excited to go back again tonight, alhamdulilah. I’ve longed for such moments coz it has been a very long time I prayed tarawih at the mosque (if I’m not mistaken the last time was before I got pregnant), thus I almost cried last night. Tear of joy:).

ready to go!

I really love Ramadhan. It is a month of peace and tranquility. Unlike other months, ibadah can be performed with no disturbance and no procrastination. Somehow you have ample time to perform ibadah, and extra energy in doing work. You have extra patience too, seriously No Evil!

Ramadhan also reminded me of my dear best friend Mariam who passed away in Ramadhan 2008. Of course I remembered her every single day, but when Ramadhan comes, the memories of her lying helplessly on the hospital bed with wires here and there flashing back in my head. She looked so pale and so tired. The image that she kept hiding from us all for 1 whole year.

I was 6-months pregnant at that time. I hope she can live to see my son, but at that moment (in the ICU) I grasp the fact that she won’t. It all made sense then why during my 1st trimester I haven’t actually told any friend about my pregnancy, but somehow I did sms her about it. At that time, I thought I was being spontaneous coz I was too happy, but actually Allah has destined such to happen. And her response was “bestnye, camne boley tau”; and I knew she was sincerely happy for me.

I never told anyone, but actually deep in my heart I felt guilty coz the situation is like:- she has to leave the world in order for me to get pregnant. I know it’s not true, that’s why I never tell anyone about it but I do have that feeling at that time. I felt like I’m being selfish, like I abandon her. Now I truly know why movies/novels do describe such moments coz it does exist.

May she rest in peace…amin.

2 responses

  1. You were a good friend to her and you still are, K.Mon. I’m sure Arwah K.Yam knew that.I know you missed her a lot cos you have never failed to reminisce your memories with her in your jottings. She’s lucky to have you as her friend and vice versa. May she rest in peace. Amin

    Happy Ramadhan

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