Ashman’s paediatrician, Dr. Haliza passed away!

 

Shocking news! Ashman’s paediatrician, Dr. Haliza passed away! Oh my God…

We were suppose to bring Ashman for 3 months jab last friday. But the day before friday the Ampang Puteri’s nurse called ask us to either postpone the date or change to another paed as Dr. Haliza has an ’emergency’. Since the jab has already been delayed (coz haritu dia demam), we decide to change the paed just for this time. Little that we know actually the doc had been missing since wednesday.

But on friday night, my mom watched Nightline news on tv3 and said Dr. Haliza was missing. And I was like..betul ke mak aku nie. Cam tak caya je. And then terus masuk news semalam polis dah jumpa her body. Together with Dr. Amin Tai’s body as well. Oh my! That was the doctor yg sunatkan Ashman! (he was a paediatric surgeon).

What a big loss…Both me and hubby really like Dr. Haliza coz she will explain in details whatever we ask her. Cthnya tanya pasal hiccup, habis dia cerita pasal breathing-lungs, bla bla… And she really love kids. Baru last week masa dia cek Ashman (time Ashman demam) dia cakap “saya suka betul layan budak macam nie”. Ashman pulak bukan main gelak2 lagik dengan dia..really, a big loss to us. And I believe to a lot of people as well. Ralat betul rasanya…

Excerpt from The Star & NST below:

Missing doctors found dead in ravine
By M. KUMAR

KUALA LUMPUR: The two specialist doctors, missing since Wednesday, were found dead deep in a ravine near the Klang Gates in Ulu Ampang Saturday morning.
Search and rescue teams had a tough time airlifting them out as ravine was thickly forested.
Police believe the two had slipped and fallen when they went hiking at the popular hiker’s place in Bukit Tabuh near Taman Melawati.
Haliza Mohd Shafiee, 53, and Amin Tai Abdullah @ Tai Yen Ming, 57, – a paediatrician and a paediatric surgeon at a medical centre in Ampang – were reported missing since Wednesday.
The families of Haliza and Amin Tai, both fond of jungle trekking, had made police reports when they did not return home Wednesday night, State Chief Police Officer Deputy Commissioner Datuk Khalid Abu Bakar had said Friday
Police received information that Haliza’s car was found Saturday morning. Tracker dogs and a helicopter search spotted the two, said Ampang Deputy OCPD Supt Amiruddin Jamaluddin.
The bodies were found decomposed.

Two missing doctors turn up dead in ravine
By : Lee Shi-Ian

AMPANG, Sat.:
The families of two doctors who lodged missing person reports were informed today that their loved ones had died in a tragic mountain-climbing accident.

The two specialist doctors, who had been reported missing since Wednesday, were found dead deep in a ravine near the Klang Gates in Ulu Ampang this afternoon at 2.15pm.

It was no easy task for search and rescue teams to get to the bodies of Haliza Mohd Shafiee, 53, and Amin Tai Abdullah @ Tai Yen Ming, 57, as the ravine path was dense and nearly impossible to get through.

A helicopter was used to get an aerial view of the ravine and that was when both bodies were spotted. Tracker dogs were later used to determine the exact location of the bodies.

Haliza’s body was brought out of the ravine at 3.30pm while Amin’s body was brought out at 3.45pm. Both bodies were badly decomposed and have been sent to the Kuala Lumpur Medical Centre for a post-mortem.
Haliza, a paediatrician, and Amin, a paediatric surgeon at a medical centre in Ampang, had been reported missing by their respective families since last Wednesday when they failed to return home.

Police believe that the two doctors had slipped and fallen into the ravine as they went hiking at the popular spot in Bukit Tabuh near Taman Melawati. Police got the breakthrough on the location of both doctors by tracking the GPS device in Haliza’s Toyota Latio.

According to closed-circuit television camera images obtained from the hospital, both doctors were seen leaving the hospital’s car park at about 11.30am on Wednesday.

Police found trekking equipment inside the vehicle at the scene and witnesses also claimed that they saw both doctors entering the forest on Wednesday but that was the last time they were seen alive.

The grieving families of both doctors declined to speak to the press when approached at the scene or later at the Kuala Lumpur Medical Centre. Ampang police chief Assistant Commissioner Abdul Jalil Hassan said the deaths of the two doctors had been classified as sudden death as police do not suspect foul play involved

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recap about Ashman having fever

Hubby sibuk tanya why I tak blog about the recent football match. (bukan taknak yer encik, takde masa kan busy buat homework 😛)

Anyway, we all tgk the match kat Seri Malaysia. Luck on our side, ada pulak channel ESPN kat bilik. Tak payah laa sibuk hubby nak carik kedai mamak. Tapi bila dah macam gaya2 nak kalah tu takde la aku nengok dah, join tidur dgn Ashman lagik best hihihi… Hubby gumbira giler tapi tak boley bising (takut Ashman terkejut) jadik dia melompat lompat dlm bilik. Sabar jer la… 😦

Memula aku pk bagus gak my team kalah sekali sekala. Biar diorang tahu they are not invincible. Tapi angin tul last week kalah lagik kat Craven Cottage! Main macamana laa diorang nie..kengkonon nak rebut 5 titles. Lawan Fulham pun kalah! Chess… Liverpool pulak on fire abis aaa…now the title reign is open wide. Baki match pulak semua yg agak2 tough…Gunners, derby game…Ramai dah kena booking kad merah lak tu! Hmmm…I really hope they can regain their power… Camne nak lawan champs league nie…Tapi walau apa pun yang terjadi, saya & Ashman tetap penyokong setia Man U 🙂

Cakap pasal Ashman, alkisah last week time dlm kelas INCEIF (6.30-9.30pm), almaklum pelajar cemerlang kan…tempat duduk belakang sekalik. Pastu siap main sms ngan hubby. Tetiba hubby msg
“Ashman demam. Skang kat umah A.Arif”

Tetiba suara prof yg tgh cerita pasal bond, interest rates, bla bla bla dah tak berapa nak dengar. Mula laa terbayang muka si comel tu. Berdebar jantung beb – 1st time demam nie. Terus sms hubby tanya berapa temperature.
“38.2. Abang Arif kata tunggu jap. Abang memang ready nak bawak gi ampang puteri”

Oh my oh my…how’s my baby…tak sabar laa nak tunggu kelas abis nie. Tetiba aku rasa ill-equipped laa pulak tak tau kalau baby demam kena buat ape. Lupa nak baca part tu dlm buku! Kelas habis jer terus rempit balik. Tgk baby lembik je dalam dukungan my sister. Terus bagi dia susu (abg arif tak kasik bagi through bottle – nak minimize kuman), dia breastfeed sket, lepas tu berhenti and senyum to me. Lega sikit tgk baby still boley senyum. Tapi tak lama lepas tu muntah pulak and terus tertidur.

Sepanjang malam tu lah dia tidur dlm dakapanku. (tak balik rumah – terus tidur atas sofa rumah my sister). Bangun sekejap2 minum susu. Kalau letak jer terus nangis, tak sedap badan agaknya. Every 4 hours kasik dia panadol syrup and lap2 badan dengan kain lembap. Plan aku nak siapkan assignment terus tak jadik. Bila dah pukul 6 pagi aku pun dah rasa tak larat nak mendukung – kejut hubby suruh take over shift pulak.

Pediatrician kata viral fever. Tak teruk coz he can still drink and tak muntah teruk or cirit whatsoever. Tapi doc advise suruh rehat dekat rumah. Nasib baik demam dah nak dekat weekend, boley la rest during the weekend. Alhamdulilah by Saturday tu dah kebah…lega rasanya. Discharge dari hospital Dr. Arif hehehe… (itulah kebaikannya duduk dekat ngan sedara mara nie). Balik rumah terus aku baca pasal fever dalam buku Miriam Stoppard (my favorite book to read while expressing milk) so kalau next time takde lah gubra huhu… On Sunday kiranya hubby for the first time jaga baby sepanjang hari memandangkan mummy nyer busy nak buat assignment yg due that day. Nasib baik sempat submit.

Btw, my mom remind kan bagus sebenarnya bila demam nie – salah satu ujian dari Allah. Coz dia cerita there was this girl supposed to get married with holy Prophet (pbuh), tapi lepas tu tak jadik sebab the girl’s parents cakap dia tak pernah sakit. Kira macam tak pernah diuji Allah S.W.T. Not good also. So moral of the story kalau sakit tu jangan mengeluh – meaning kita antara insan yang terpilih…rite. Okie, calos.

Spouse Tag

Another tag. Dah lama buat but keep on delaying to post it.

Here’s a tag to measure how well you know about your spouse. (Tagged by Dr. Soraya)

Rules:Here’s a chance to see how well you really know your husband. Cut, paste and fill in the answers, then shoot, you know what to do. The real challenge is to send it to your husband to see how right you really are.

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
– ESPN channel. Or Buletin Utama

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
-Mayonnaise. Dia suka sangat!

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like?
Laksa Johor, Soto, Lontong (kira semua yang tak familiar kat negeri Perak). Tapi kalau takde makanan lain dia makan gak hihi…

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
-Nasi Ayam or Lamb Chop. Or both 🙂

5. Where did he go to high school?
Sek Keb Keroh, MRSM Gerik, MRSM Taiping, USM

6. What size shoes does he wear?
Oh my I don’t know this one! I don’t think he knows either. Everytime pergi kedai kasut kena try dulu.

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
Naruto Comic

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Hmm…Egg sandwich? Or perhaps Tuna? Rasanya semua dia makan aaa…

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
Sushi

10. What is his favorite cereal?
He didn’t like cereal.

11. What would he never wear?
Man United jersey

12. What is his favorite sports team?
Liverpool

13. Who did he vote for?
Any pemimpin yang ikhlas bekerja untuk rakyat

14. Who is his best friend?
Hmmm…me? 🙂 Bebudak gerik, bebudak RNZ.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
Shopping, berleter (which actually a consequence of his own action actually!)

16. What is his heritage?
Perak

17. What is his favorite colour?
He don’t have any. Tapi banyak baju Black.

18. What is his habit?
hmmm…tak boley cerita kat sini hihihi

19. What is he proud of?
Ashman yang comel

20. Lastly, do you think he will read this?
Yes but not so soon.
There you go…who I should tag…hmm…Suharti, Dora, Husna (change the husband to boyfriend laa yek!)

pregnancy tag

I just submitted my INCEIF homework (hantar sejam sebelum dateline, boley?). So last minute coz patutnya ambik cuti untuk buat homework alih2 my baby tetiba demam (for the first time!) Langsung sibuk jaga dia la… Asik nak berkepit jer sepanjang malam, sian die. Anyway, doc kata everything is okay. Alhamdulilah. Now demam dia dah kebah and mummy pun dah siap homework.

Ada banyak gak benda nak story tapi terasa cam nak buat tag from sheri dulu…(btw, sekarang kat ofis dah x boley bukak blogspot. sabar jer…)

Here you go moms – a different kind of survey for a change – it’s all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself!Let’s see how much you remember!

Let’s flash back!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Sort of. Conceived after around 6 months, I think.

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? haha:D mustilaa…

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Happy + terkejut gak

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 27

5. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Missed my period. Plus muntah tetiba.

6.WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? My officemate, coz nak double confirm how to read the pee stick haha

7. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? Nope, we wanted it to be a surprise. Tapi tak dpt nak surprise coz awal2 lagik around 3 months dah ternampak..doc kata he’s a showy type!

8. DUE DATE? 28th Dec

9. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? 18th Dec 2008

10. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 2.76kg ( masa first time scan he is only 1.66cm!!! Imagine that, subhanAllah…)

11. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Teramatlah teruk! So unexpected. It occurs more in the evening though. Semua benda x boley makan. I survive only on bread, soy milk, and supplement for the first 4 months of pregnancy.

WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Nothing in particular. Cuma agak cenderung nak makan western food

13. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? Mereka mereka yg loyar buruk or buat lawak bodo

14. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD’S SEX? boy

15. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? Masa sebelum pregnant selalu imagine the first one is girl tapi bila dah pregnant takde preference. Kebetulan masa tu dok tengok One Tree Hill – jamie teramat cute so bila tau boy amat happy:D

16. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? 13kgs, tapi masa morning sickness reduce 4kgs…so should be around 17kgs laa actually kan.

17. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Nope, takde sape nak buatkan? haha

18. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? Not applicable

19. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?Just severe morning sickness, almost dehydrated and warded. Towards the end hari2 heartburn pulak…

20. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Ampang Puteri – very convenient and very friendly!

21. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOUR? sekejap jer coz c-sect. Around 1 hour.

22. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?Hubby, around 12 midnite masa tu. Seb baik hospital dekat.

23. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Hubby.

24. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? c-section

25. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? No

26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Muhammad Ashman Ehsan.

27. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? 3 months!! yeayy!!!

Saper ye nak tag?
Sesiapa yg rajin silakan okay!

Journey to the Perak Soil

Our trip to Perak, which also currently known as land with no government 🙂 went on smoothly. Pepagi lagi hubby dah excited mandikan baby. Si comel tu memang suka mandi pun, gelak2 ajer bila kena air. Kengkonon macam swimming dlm my tummy lar tu.

This was our first try to bring little boy jengjalan outside KL, so risau gak takut dia meragam. Luckily the weather was pleasant, tak terlalu panas or sejuk. So little boy duduk diam2 dalam car seat. Kekadang mummy nyer rindu so saja angkat letak atas riba + main dengan dia..hehe…

Hubby insisted to visit mariam’s parents first, which was a good decision coz they were so happy to see us. It felt so awkward to step into the house without mariam there, welcoming us. Mariam’s bed is still in the living room. (they put it there so senang untuk dia baring time dia sakit dulu).

Waktu mak dia masak macam macam (ketam, udang, etc), aku pun menyibuk laa dekat dapur bersembang. I managed to share with her mother how we all really respected mariam’s courage and strength during her pain (sebelum nie tak berapa sempat nak heart-to-heart ngan mak dia). Mak dia kata makyam memang macam tu, even dengan they all pun she will hide her pain & fear. She said she was always optimistic, always talking about ambition and future, but never about death.

Even masa kengkawan dia nak kahwin, (masa dia sakit aritu ramai pulak member yg kawin:-anuat, faiq, jeehan, ika), she will said to her mom, “Kena pergi tu. Mana boley tak pergi. kawan baik…” Tapi bila tiba harinya mak dia kata dia akan diam jer la. Dia tau dia tak larat nak pergi. Mak dia pun diam jer la – taknak kasik die sedey. Even at the hospital, she was really cheerful and talkative. Mak dia siap ambik cuti nak jaga dia after the operation. Siapa sangka tak sempat nak operate pun… Tapi makyam mungkin agaknya dah tahu coz mak dia kata sehari dua sebelum pemergiannya, nampak dia asyik termenung. Dah tak banyak borak. Whatever it is, she has spread love to a lot of people through her kindness and friendship and for that her parents are really proud.

Lepas kenyang makan ketam, kitorang gerak ke Ipoh. Check in kat Seri Malaysia, which was quite a nice place. Driver tidur sekejap layan hujan tapi bila hujan dah tak berapa lebat aku terus kejut driver ajak pi padang polo makan laksa. Dulu time dating pernah pergi makan laksa situ, kali nie pergi dgn baby Ashman laa pulak kan😉.

Lepas pekena laksa sambil layan hujan renyai, pergi jenguk nany. Kiranya kali terakhir laa jumpa dia sebelum bergelar isteri hehehe…Tapi we all tak tunggu sampai akad nikah takut Ashman ngantuk and meragam. On the way balik hotel sempat singgah makan Ipoh char kuew teow hehe…

The next morning bawak Ashman pergi jogging kat padang polo. Ramai tul rakyat ipoh berjogging – mengamalkan cara hidup sihat kan. Lepas tu balik hotel, bersiap and check out. We all round bandar Ipoh carik the the Democracy Tree, which commemorates the March 3rd event. Tak susah nak carik pokoknya sebab ramai betul orang berkumpul kat situ, apa lagik kitorang satu family join laa sekalik hehehe…

Around 1 pm, we arrived at Dewan Taman Meru to attend Nany’s wedding. Kitorang sampai just in time – pengantin pun baru sampai time tu. Bagus betul pengantin punctual. Nany nampak very pretty + happy, I’m really happy for her. Dewan tu walapun ramai orang tak panas so takde laa risau Ashman nak meragam ke ape. Boley makan dengan tenang. The food is delicious, hubby paling suka tengok ayam panggang hehe…Selamat Pengantin Baru buat Nany & Haizad. Enjoy the new journey together!

happy weekend red devil!

We are off to Ipoh tomorrow to attend Nany’s wedding, perhaps to stop by mariam’s house as well. Doakan kami selamat pergi dan pulang…

But most probably we can’t watch the big game tomorrow nite. Man U vs Liv. In another words, Me vs Him haha… I’m pretty confident with my team now. We’ll see…

Talk about football, the champs league fever has started again. Again, looks like English football dominating the field. I wonder why. Don’t think they are superior than others. Luck perhaps? Tapi tengok Man U punyer game pun berapa kali opponent kena tiang, memang agak lucky aahh. To recall back this time of the year last year, Me + baby in tummy obediently woke up at night to watch the historic finale. The night where we were crowned the best in Europe…

Happy Weekend everyone!

*Congrats Nini + Mudin on the arrival of their long awaited lovely twins, Wan Yusuf Hadif & Wan Nawal Najah.

takziah

*I have wanted to write about this for a long time, but keep on postponing.*

Masa pregnant haritu, aku ada blog-hopping blog2 stranger especially expectant mothers & mothers. Sajalah nak baca experience orang lain. I followed closely 2 blogs : pinkstilettos and aishah coz usia kandungan pun lebih kurang so best lah bila baca pengalaman diorang. Even though aku baca buku2 pregnancy, bila baca the real experience yg sama dengan kita lebih tenang rasanya hati. Takde lah risau kan.

Alkisahnya seminggu sebelum deliver, I told hubby while we were in the car on the way to the office, “rasa macam taknak beranak je. Nak simpan jer baby dlm perut. At least kalau dalam perut I can bring him everywhere so I know he is safe”. Sebab masa tu banyak cerita pasal careless caretaker & taska so rasa amat sayu nak tinggalkan baby with someone else.

After I told hubby that, I open those 2 blogs at the office. Wahh…pinkstilettos dah deliver to a baby girl time tu. Excited nyer aku. Aku bukak pulak blog aishah. Oh my God…oh my God… I can’t believe what I am reading. Air mata aku mengalir laju walaupun masa tu dekat ofis. Doctor can’t detect her baby’s heartbeat, and she had to deliver to a stillborn baby. Oh my…she was already 9 months at that time! Oh my…and people keep on saying once dah lepas 1st trimester everything should be all right. How wrong that statement is…

I shouldn’t said what I said to hubby just now. Suddenly I felt so selfish wanting to keep the baby in my tummy. Mesti lah dia nak keluar tengok dunia, main dengan daddy, nenek, angah, opah, etc. Suddenly I feel the urge to bersalin cepat2 so that I know he is healthily breathing.

Takziah to Aishah and family. She was so strong. Really strong. It was so sad what’s happening to her. No wonder masa dah nak deliver my mom kept on telling me that anak itu amanah dari Allah. Mama pesan tanggungjawab kita untuk menjaga dan mendidiknya tapi dia bukannya milik kita…My mom surely reminded me that so I will be prepared emotionally if anything to happen masa deliver.

Then last night I discovered fajar also lost his baby. Non stop air mata mengalir waktu baca blog dia. Now that I am a parent, I felt like my heart was ripped apart reading his entry. I even went to check on Ashman every 5 minutes (which was sleeping dlm babycot) to make sure he’s still breathing.

I’ve known fajar (through his reading) for quite a long time. Masa tu even facebook or friendster pun belum ada lagik. He was one of the reasons why I started blogging at the first place thus to read his grief and heartache made me full with pain. Air mata mengalir tak henti membaca cerita baby amir…the fact that he has never left the hospital for almost 9 months. The fact that he has to sip milk through tubes, tak dapat merasa menyusu bersama ibu tersayang… The pain he has to endure; betul betul menginsafkan. He was a really strong boy, full with love and strength…now he is at a happier place. Allah Maha Berkuasa…takziah buat fajar sekeluarga.

Ashman is 2.5 months

Now that Ashman is 2.5 months, he has gradually losing the moro reflex. Which is good, kalau tidak asik terkejut jer bila tidur. Similarly his grasp reflex has progressively disappeared and his grasp becomes more voluntary. Kalau tidak dulu susah gak nak bukak tangan die and lap celah celah jari. He also can hold his head up steadily when we pick him up. Alhamdulilah. I’m also training him not to wear mitten – so that he discovers the movement of his own fingers. But still kena maintain kuku pendek larr satgi tak pasal pasal calar muka yg comel tu 🙂

Last weekend, we also discovered that he also can watch television now. He will focus to the cartoon on the screen while mummy & daddy eating lunch. Good boy. He even watched football and even the badminton All-England match (yang mana kita kalah sekali lagik di tangan Lin Dan) isk isk… Tapi at least kali nie kalah tipis laa bkn macam olimpik aritu kena titik.

Hubby terpaksa kerja last weekend, tapi sempat gak dia bawak kitorang pergi Bangi visit my dear friend ebby yg baru deliver gak to a baby girl – Aalesha Imaan. Congratulations friends!!! Nanti by end of this year boley laa Ashman main dgn Aalesha yek.

Cepat betul masa berlalu. Rasa baru je Ashman as small as Aalesha. Sekarang diapers size S pun dah tak berapa nak muat. Teringat masa dalam pantang haritu when I was tired due to sleep deprivation, my good friend Noris being positive that she is said:- takpe…sekejap je nanti dia besar.

Which is so true – sekarang memang dia dah tak kacau mummy tidur. Bangun dua kali je utk menyusu pastu lelap balik. Kalau dulu agak stress gak dengar dia nangis malam, sekarang nie we all plak yang berebut nak dukung dia. Even when I told hubby that one day Ashman dah boley tidur sendiri pun dia macam sedey. He said he don’t mind Ashman nak tidur dengan we all sampai besar pun. Haha manja laa anak aku macam nie…

Next week our first try to bring Ashman travel – nak pergi Ipoh utk attend wedding Nany. Selama nie we all kalau travel waktu malam, sekarang nie dah kena ubah rentak la kena travel waktu siang. So far dia okay jer duduk dlm car seat, tapi tu kalau jalan dekat2 jer. Tak pernah keluar KL lagik. Kita tunggu dan lihat macamana jeng jeng…

By the way, homework inceif aku belum siap lagik…lagik 2 minggu nak kena submit. S.O.S!!!

birthday reminder…

Prior to midnight last Wednesday, my handphone prompted a birthday reminder. I did not need to see the screen to know whose birthday is it. It was our dear friend mak yam’s birthday. I clicked ‘OK’ on my handphone and saw her face, the phone prompted: “set reminder next year?” hmm…I am motionless.

Since the birth of my son, I have never mentioned her out loud. Neither in the blog nor verbally. The truth is I remembered her so much.
I remembered her cheery smile on the graduation day.
I remembered she treated us coffee & cheesecake when she received her first salary.
I remembered she came all the way to accompany us to eat Taiping Yong Tau Foo.
I remembered how she was in pain on the hospital bed, with wires surrounding.
I remembered her peaceful face on her last day…

But to remember her makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty that I’m enjoying myself embracing the little one. I feel selfish that I’m having so much fun. Her parents even called to wish us, and hoping to see the baby. Again, I felt guilty that we have not paid them a visit since the day she passed.

Although she lives up north, I know if she is still alive she will be amongst those who would visit my baby. I know if she is still alive, she would be the one I call during my maternity leaves to share my tiredness.

To recall how much she has helped me (during my wedding, my work, my relationship) makes me full with regret that I did not spend much time with her during her suffering. I should have visits her more often. Maybe even sleepover. Bak kata orang boley kira dgn jari berapa kali jer aku visit dia. If only I knew I will never talk to her again… If only I realized how much she has suffered before it’s too late…

I know life goes on but nothing can erase what she had given me:- joy, strength, and a shoulder to cry on.. People say time will heal the pain but the reality is there is no such thing. Happy birthday dear friend. We will meet again, one day.