Tag by Ms Sheri

 Tag by Sheri, the newly superb housewife in Perth:)
(Btw Sheri, I don’t know you were in Alam Ceria gal!!!)

Rules of the tag:- Link to your tagger and post these rules in your blog. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Well, okay since today is Friday and I am quite free🙂, boley laa layan…Actually susah jugak nie. 7 facts are easy, but random and weird could be quite tough. You don’t write about your date of birth or your hobby rite…haha

1.Despite having a degree in actuarial science, I am no longer in that field. Ironically, I don’t think my brain is talented enough to pursue that as a career. Sometimes it does make me feel like a failure, but I have to admit that people have their limits in what they are capable of. Luckily at least now I find what I want to do in life. I never regret though taking actuarial as my major, it was actually a very intriguing subject in its own way.

2.I did bungee-jump the first year I was in States. I was so into challenging things (roller-coaster rides, etc) so doing the bungee sounds so exciting at that time. However when I was up there all strapped up and the worker asked me to jump, I looked down (big mistake!) and froze. This was so different with roller coaster where the thing moves by itself. This time it is up to your own effort to PULL YOUR LEG and JUMP BY YOUR OWN. I was taking so much time up there (thinking about quitting as well) until the workers there asked the crowd to cheer for me. That actually made me more panic!!! Finally after ‘not sure how many minutes but seemed like hours’, I managed to gather all my strength and jumped! I screamed like crazy and my shirt almost came off (although dah strap dengan tali) so the crowd could see my bra. Embarrassing sioot!!! Dahlah nak terjun pun lambat sampai the video provided by that place pun tak muat satu tape. But afterwards I felt so good. (although I won’t bungee jump again for sure hahaha)

3.I come from a divorced, complicated family. I think a handful of my friends are aware of that (for example my dad is usually not around when they come to my house), but I guess they seldom ask about it out of respect. Well, I suppose it is a bit of a taboo subject when you were younger hence I used to hate this fact. However over the years I realized that it makes me a strong and mature person and I can never be what I am now without going through this life-path. Allah knows what best for you.

4.Okay this one not many people know, I don’t think even hubby knows😉. Once when I was in kindergarten, I was chosen to join the ballerina team. Suka sangat almaklumlah at that age ala2 dapat pakai baju cantik macam princess tu masyuk habis la. But one day during the training I accidentally peed in my pants! Malu giler and terus taknak join the next training session. The teacher pujuk laa suruh join, saying something like “It’s okay, nothing to be embarrassed about” but I guess my pride was so high that time I asserted to quit. Poyo betul!

5.I pierced my belly-button for during 22nd birthday. I wanted to do it for quite a long time (you know at that time britney and christina are like the hot stuff) tapi takut2. Eventually I did it as my own birthday gift the last year I was in States. The place was quite dodgy at an alley in State Street (but I had surveyed with my friends who did their piercing there, all with positive comments). I was accompanied by my roommate Nany. I chose the belly-ring I wanted and a few minutes later I was called into a room (macam dekat clinic pulak). I heard the weird sound at the next room (someone is having a tattoo), takut ler pulak. The guy (his body is full of tattoo and piercing sebijik macam dlm movie) asked me to lie down on the bed. When he said “Your friend can hold your hand,” I was actually startled. Siap kena pegang tangan nie, sakit ke…hihihi…Tapi remain cool jer laa dah alang alang menyeluk pekasam huhu… Truthfully, it was a bit painful compared to piercing your ears but very quickly done. Yeayy!!! I did it!

6.Working at Preschool for 4 years, many people says I will be a great mother. Frankly speaking, though it is true that I love kids and suka melayan karenah they all; it only involves toddlers. I only babysit my nephews and nieces who are age 2 and above, never younger than that. I have actually never spent time with any baby or even held them in my hands for that matter! Even though bila pergi visit orang lepas bersalin people will say something like ‘dukungla, ambik berkat’, I never do so. You could say I am a virgin with baby. So this is actually going to be my first time. Quite excited!

7.At the age of 27 years old, it was my first time experiencing a loss when my dear friend Mariam passed away last month. Although some of my relatives (grandparents, uncles) have passed away, I never feel such similar loss coz I am never attached to them. This time it was very different. I felt such a big loss and sometimes I cannot grasp yet the fact that I am never able to talk to her again, forever. Only now I understand how other people feel when their loved one passed away. It is true when they said you will only know the truth when you are in their shoes.

Yeayy done! Okay who should I tag…

1. my dearest friend, Suharti

2. my long-lost neighbor, Karen

3. my dear dorm-mate, Dr. Soraya

4. the nutritionist @ Auckland, Husna

5. the great domestic engineer, Suria

6. the arsenal freak, Pyus

7. the ambitious sweet girl, Nani

There you go…Have a great weekend everyone!

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birthday gift for a 7 year old…

We were again busy attending open houses last weekend. However hubby asked me to limit the number of houses this time as he was exhausted with work this week. As much as I want to eat raya food, I have to tolerate as he came back home as late as 3.00am this week to finish his work proposal.

He still had to work last Saturday night so I decided to follow him since we have not bought our lovely niece, Tisya a birthday present and we are going to meet her the next day. Knowing Tisya, she will surely expect a birthday gift from us, kids nowadays! As hubby’s office iss at the Great Eastern Mall, I told hubby not to mind me but continue with his work as I can shop by myself for 2 hours. Well, If his office in KLCC, I don’t even mind if it was dragged to 4 hours haha:).

After doing a bit of grocery at Cold Storage, I headed to a toy shop, browsing collection of board games available. Last year we bought her this board game called ‘Connect-4’ which she liked. However it was really hard to decide what to buy for a 7-year old girl. She no longer plays toys like doll but not big enough to appreciate some complicated board games. I know she already has Scrabble at home which she yet learns how to enjoy. So I quit the toy shop and headed to MPH next.

The time was already 9.00pm so some shops start to close their door already. Luckily MPH was still open. I cepat cepat masuk, itulaa last minute baru nak carik hadiah! I faced the same difficulty there. A lot of interesting books were for toddlers, and the junior fiction books were still kind of thick for a 7-year old.

Tisya loves to read books since she was an infant so books which are labeled suitable for a 7-year old might not be challenging anymore for her. I can’t remember what I read when I was 7-year old. Did I already read Enid Blyton series at that time? Hmm tak ingat laa beb dah lama sangat hihi…

I was desperately browsing and suddenly I heard this conversation nearby.

“Myra, do you want this book?” [a lady was holding the Peter & Jane book and showing it to a young girl]

“Don’t want grandma. It’s too dry.” [the girl buat muka boring giler]

I looked at that girl. She looked almost the same height with Tisya. Perhaps the same age. She was clutching a High School Musical book at her hand. Well, okay…that’s it. Time was not on my side and other shops were closed so I was just going to follow this hint. I frantically looked for something similar coz it’s already 9.30pm. Nasib baik jumpa. A hard cover book titled a complete guide to High School Musical 1,2, and 3.

Beli and terus suruh cashier tu wrap. She said that was the last book even though the stock just came in. That’s a good sign. Probably because the movie just came out in theatre so tengah hit la sekarang nie. How am I supposed to know, we did not have such musical back in 90’s.

We gave Tisya the gift the next day. Luckily she loves it. In fact, she carried it with her the whole day. Even my other niece Alya (same age) insisted that we’ll buy her the exact same gift for her birthday next month. Oh ooo…hopefully the book will still be in stock then. I guess I have to thank that Myra girl for the marketing insight.

*Takziah to our dearest friend, Anuar Yusri for the unexpected loss of his father last evening, 27 Oct 2008. We felt very sorry for his loss and hopefully he remains a strong person as he usually is.

bored + anxiety

I am less productive nowadays at work. My current project was terminated due to some technicality from the ‘above management’. After that project went sour, my superior has not given me any new projects as I might be gone for long leaves early next year. It’s not her fault though for leaving me out of the picture. As the normal project duration period will take around 6 months, it is for the benefit of the team that I am not too much involved in any new project now. Or else nanti bila pergi cuti susah pulak diorang nak take-over. Plus with the current financial market condition, memang tak banyak new projects pun on our table.

However not being productive does not really suite me. I am the happiest at work when I am working on something. I don’t mind to work long hours as long as I have something fruitful to complete on my desk. I still remember how I quit my first job due to being bore to tears even without security of finding another job just yet. I guess I just have to find a way now to be proactive and help my team here and there where needed.

On the other note, I am full with anxiety now. I keep on worrying whether the baby is okay or not. The book said this is a normal feeling but still I can’t hide my worries. I could break into tears out of nowhere or suddenly wake up in the middle of the night thinking abut the baby. That’s what we called motherhood perhaps. No wonder my mom sampai aku dah besar panjang nie pun semua benda nak worry… now it’s my turn. Rasakan haha.

history @ primary school

I can’t believe some people are now suggesting we teach history at the primary school level. Although History is my favorite subject in school, and still is, I don’t think it is appropriate to get the youngsters starts memorizing facts at such a young age. (Knowing how the Malaysian education system is, I’m sure the syllabus will involve some memorizing).

Being exposed to the U.S education system, I prefer if we shifted the syllabus a bit to make it less exam-orientated. I’m not saying I am so pro-west and totally love their system. I am proud to say that we are generally better at subject like Math than them.

But being a pre-school teacher there for 4 years I discovered that kids there learned so much general knowledge (the kind that you see in ‘Are You Smarter Than The 5th Grader’ tv show) without being pressurized to memorize facts. They rather learn it through storytelling, songs, drama and arts. I found such method quite captivating.  

I do miss the preschool so much although it has been almost 5 years since I left the place. Sometimes I still browse through the drawings and artworks the kids gave me. In fact actually that was still considered the longest place I had ever worked with! (dekat Malaysia nie asik dok melompat kerja aje…).

Does that mean it was my happiest working place? Hmm…I could safely say so. Hubby knows how much I love the place. Sometimes he insists that I should go back to that route one day. Perhaps.

Love is such a wonderful feeling

I had a dream that I met mariam at a function. I hugged her, told her I missed her and that we all sayang her. But she did not talk back to me. She just smiled. Actually I dreamt of her quite frequently these days. Perhaps that’s what psychologist says untapped-feelings/inner feelings whatsoever.

Tapi takde lah macam dlm drama tv tu pulak dia pakai serba putih ke ape… Just a normal encounter of her. But she never talks back to me. Hmm, I wonder why…

Now at the 3rd trimester the ‘trouble sleeping’ problem contributes as well. I keep on changing my sleep position. Susah betul nak nyenyak macam dulu (a practice once the baby come out?), plus the leg crams. I tried my best to follow experts’ advice by lying on my left. Ask hubby how I proudly built my nest with 5 pillows and a blanket;)

On the other note, I got a chance to chat with hubby while he was in Jakarta. The feeling of waiting for him online is like a blast from the past – we used to chat with each other during our long distance relationship. The feeling of seeing him online – it’s priceless. Then hearing the ‘buzz’ sound when he texted you – another priceless one. Love is such a wonderful feeling, isn’t it

empty without you…

I was overly emotional last night. I can’t even justify myself. I was being unreasonable…well, actually VERY UNREASONABLE and selfish as well.

So pity to hubby had to tolerate my super-childish attitude. But I can’t help it. It’s just how I felt. It’s like a dam gate was suddenly opened and my tears flow non-stop. I can’t even understand or even explain myself.

Should I just blame it to the hormone?Well, the book did say my progestrone or/and estrogen (or something) has increased…yeah. lets blame it to that.

By the way, missed my soul mate so much. He is away for 3-days outstation (which could contribute a bit to my irrationale emotion). Life is so bored without him. The house feels so empty

Please be back safely! We miss you like crazy!!!

Aidilfitri 2008

This year raya celebration went well. Although earlier I told myself there will be no baju raya this year, hubby was so generous to buy for me three new apparels. He really pampered me sometimes. But I love it! No complain.

We headed back to hubby’s hometown on Saturday night so that we have a few days to break fast with his family. Alhamdulilah the road was smooth with no traffic jam. I guess a lot of people has left town. But unfortunately I was not as mobile as before. I found it was difficult to sleep in the car although I have brought with me 3 pillows. I guess life has changed now.

In the morning of Eid we ate the normal Perak’s dishes; lemang and rendang. I really missed my mom’s raya dishes but what to do; actually this year was supposed to be my turn but my mom went for umrah. Sabar yer tunggu tahun depan yer:). Anyway later that day hubby pulak tak sihat, sakit perut so tak dapat laa kitorang jalan jalan raya. Cian hubby coz dia nie bila dah sakit lambat sket nak sembuh.

The next day we all make a move back to KL with my in-laws. We stopped at Kuala Kangsar to visit hubby’s opah and other relatives. But the day was quite hot I started to feel dizzy. I guess the ‘not so nutritious’ raya dishes did not help either. Balik sampai KL terus rasa flat. But roads in KL were so smooth best giler rasanya. Pergi visit my mom sekejap; she just arrived from Jeddah that morning. Alhamdulilah she is well.

As usual, the raya fun in KL will just begin when raya celebration at kampung already ended. We started jalan jalan to visit relatives and friends. One of my auntie buat nasi dagang yang dah lama ku idam idamkan syiok betul! Almaklum now my appetite dah okay excited betul nak pergi jalan beraya! 🙂

Anyway, this year being the first raya at our own house, I was a bit kelam kabut when people datang raya. Iyerla, our house was very near with my mom. So bila relatives datang visit my mom there is a high probability they will stop by our house as well. Mula lah tercari2 air cordial, bekas kuih, etc.

Salam aidilfitri buat semua.
Pohon maaf atas segala kesilapan selama perkenalan kita.
Jemput datang rumah okay!!!

Goodbye my friend

I just arrived in the office and my phone ringing. I saw Nadira’s name on the caller ID. I was very sure this is about mariam. “Hello”

Silent at the other end. “Dira, kenapa?” Her voice sounds weird. But blur that I am; I could’t detect the truth in her voice. Then she told me “Mon, makyam dah takde.”

Surprisingly I was calm. I asked when it happened but Dira was not sure herself. She will call me again to update on the funeral arrangement. She sounded miserable. I hanged up the phone and call hubby.

“Hello”
“Abang..”
“yea…”

Then it hit me. I could not utter the word. I could not repeat what Dira told me. No wonder Dira sounds miserable. Now I experienced it. To hear the news was very different than to repeat the news. Saying those words made it sounded so final. My tears started to flow. Hubby kept on asking what was going on. He thought I was having contraction. I said no, but still I could not tell him what was going on. After around 5 minutes finally I pulled myself together and broke the news. My tears flow like crazy by then.

Hubby asked whether I wanted to go and pay a visit. Suddenly I heard my mom’s voice in my head. She reminded me once that in Islam it is much more important to visit deceased’s family than to attend a wedding. Yes, I should pay my dear friend a visit. She deserved it. Hubby said he’ll come and fetch me. I sms a few of my friends to inform them on the news while waiting for him.

We arrived home and waited for Suharti, Shaira and Rina as they will be joining us for the trip. Surprisingly, I was quiet and busied myself packing stuff (there were not many things to pack though as it was going to be a day-trip). I thought I would be soaked in tears and hugging hubby but instead I was just so quiet. Probably I’m too sad at that time to even cry anymore.

Or perhaps I could not grasp yet the truth?
That she will never step to our new house she once said she will come and sleepover…
That she will never got a chance to see how hubby had decorated the garden which she said she was eager to see…
That she will never get a chance to see our baby…

Did she already know all this?

I kept on recalling my last conversation with mariam. She called me the day before ramadhan. At first her voice sounded sad, telling me how she missed me. But then she regained her normal composure and started sounded like her normal cheerful voice again, chit chatting on our friends and our lives. I did not sense it at that time, but now I kept on thinking whether she already knew she’s leaving me hence her sad voice.  

Now I felt I should talk more to her on that day. If only I knew that would be our last conversation together…

When we arrived at the funeral, her parents were calm. Her dad explained that the cancer already spread to mariam’s brain. In fact, the day after we visited us, she started to tremble in pain. Her dad was confident she was aware during the time we visited her at the I.C.U coz only after that she started trembling in pain. (she has this principle never to show her pain in front of others).

I shared my feelings of sorrow with the other friends. How we failed to talk to her more the day at the I.C.U. Dira said she regretted that she did not visit mariam at the hospital prior to the I.C.U attack coz she was in the hospital almost one week before that. At that time, her father said she can still talk and eat rice. She even asked her father to buy her apple juice (that was her last drink prior to the attack). All in all, we all shared how wonderful mariam has been as a person and as a friend.

Her father advised us not to follow them to the burial. I guess with our red-eyes, he was afraid we might create a scene there. But at least hubby was there. He sent mariam till the end. He helped lowered her body and buried her with his bare hands.

I looked at mariam’s face one last time. Unlike the time in I.C.U, she looked so calm and peaceful. Almost like smiling. When the van carrying her was leaving the house to go to the cemetery, suharti said “bye makyam” which actually made me feeling distraught. That’s the truth…Yeah…this was definitely a final goodbye. I could not see her again. She had leaved me forever.

I will always miss her as a wonderful friend.