sometimes a pair of scissors is what you need…

Happy New Year 2012:)

I know it’s already 11th January, but I kind of just settled all my office workload yesterday (supposedly due in Dec), yup procrastination again at its best. Well, all in all, 2011 was a wonderful and blessed year for us, alhamdulilah and hopefully 2012 will bring us more joy & blessings. I checked my 2011 resolutions and only one can be cross out which is to finish my thesis. Well, at least I achieved one (ayat penyedap hati).

Okay let me organize my 2012 planner/resolutions first (buat resolutions pun procrastinate? haha). Well, I wanted to write about our NY holidays, too but need to organize the pictures first. But since yesterday a friend asked me about toddler’s scissors, I just want to share this pictures of AE having fun with scissors.

I started introduced scissors to him about 6 months ago cause I saw the old picture of this boy Nicholas, a 2-yr old boy I take care at the Preschool using it (Nicholas is 10-yr old now, gosh!). But AE didn’t seem to like it, he used it with only my help and didn’t show much interest in it. So I kept it away and convince myself that a child’s motor skill development stages may be varies.

Only about last month I took it out again and voila, AE has been using it non-stop everyday. Sometimes he even choose to do that instead of watching dvds, which is great. Then I remember that Nicholas is a May-born baby, while AE is December-born. So there is a 7 months difference there which makes perfect sense.

Well, I don’t really have time to think much about craft ideas, so what we do is just cut the colour papers to small pieces and glue it on another paper or paper plates. I have to Google for more creative ideas, any suggestions?

I change the activity table at the hall so that we can monitor him easily

getting so into it, kaki pun dah naik atas:)

this is when he gets ultimately happy hehe

who said reading is bored?

I find it’s not a rocket-science to get toddlers to read books. The trick is to start them early and to get the right book. As much as babies love to play with toys, I find they also love to hold and look at books. So if you start introducing to them at the early stage and make it a routine to read them book, they begin to love books insyaAllah.

To get an interesting book is tricky. Books that adults find amusing might not interest kids at all. From my past experiences working in the Preschool, some top titles that majority kids love (that I can still recall include) the Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr, Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney, Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown and Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak. The bigger kids (5-6 years old) also love the Magic School Bus collection.

Since I’m a book-lover myself, I usually buy a book for AE whenever I went to bookstore (which is like once a month). Plus last time as a teacher, we got a privilege to buy books from Scholastic at a cheaper price.

The best type for those less than 3 years old is the hard cover. It is a bit more expensive, but I believe it is worth it. Only now that AE is 3-years old I find he’s able to read non- hard cover. Since his interest revolved around animals, most of his favorite books are on animals. He will read the book he likes everyday, day and night for months. Sampai lunyai lah kiranya buku tu.

Still, not all books with animal he loves. So when I buy one from the bookstore, it’s a bit of a gamble, too. I just look at it as an investment; maybe I can use the book for my future preschool. Well, or donate it I suppose. With books, it’s never a loss.

These are amongst the books that he loves:

Hooray for Fish by Lucy Cousins.

Hooray for Fish

Although Lucy is famous with Maisy the mouse story, it’s the Fish book that attracts Ashman. There was all kind of creative fish illustration in the book such as elephant-like fish, upside down fish, shy fish, twisty twirly fish, etc. AE really loves this book since he was 1+ years old. I will make sure to bring the book whenever we go. Whenever I detect an almost-tantrum episode is going to take place (for example while we are having dinner outside and AE is getting bored already), the book will be my saviour. I’ll take out the book and AE will be calm reading it. Thanks Lucy!

Icky Bug Numbers by Jerry Pallotta

Icky Bug Numbers

I bought the book in US from the Scholastic years ago. Haha sounds like I’m so well planned; buying toddlers book at the age of 20. No, I didn’t buy it for my future kids, I just buy it simply because I love books and kids in general:). Well, it is so worth it coz AE loves it so much. It has different kind of colorful bugs, teaching kids about color and numbers simultaneously.

Franklin Says I Love You by Paulette Borgeois

Franklin Says I Love You

Bought the book from Scholastic, too. My niece actually like the book. She was 3-years old that time (now she is 10-years old). She will ask me to read it every hour! Mmg buku tu lunyai sampai koyak and dah stapler balik huhu… I think it’s a story about Franklin the turtle who’s looking for a perfect present for her mother for Mother’s Day. Have not introduced the book to AE yet, not sure whether will get the same receptive:).

I hope AE’s interest on books will last even when he’s bigger! I’ll share more idea for books from time to time. See ya later alligator!

of werewolf and chameleon

AE is going to be 3 years old in 2 weeks. I feel he has grown up so much compared to the last few months. He is a big boy now who understands the art of bargain. AE understands timeline now and will say things like “sekejap lagik” and “lepas nie”, I feel it’s a matter of time to hear he says “5 more minutes” [famous phrase between me & hubby] :) .

I also begin to teach him about time. Pointed to the clock and said “nak pukul 11 dah..tidur” thus his first recognition on the wall clock. Yesterday he pointed to the clock at my niece’s house and said “yg tu lain dengan rumah kita”. Hehe…

Remember my entry earlier about bringing AE to the office? Now I no longer bring him to the office in weekend in the hope that he forgets about it. Of course he doesn’t. He will say mummy’s office boley main ball, daddy’s office boley main satu Malaysia (flag). *sigh*. Trying to explain to him the weekend vs weekday idea, but of course he can’t fully grasp the concept yet at his age. Well, I just hate to lie to kids…

I remember reading about how Diyana’s son from Diyanazman pleaded for her not to go to work. Well, it has now started with AE; and it really breaks my heart to do it. I just have to go AE dearie. I hope one day you’ll understand.

On another note, AE now adds more animals in his vocabulary belt; namely insects, chameleon, iguana, salamander and werewolf! Oh yeah…werewolf! Where he watches 50 times a day from HP: The Prisoner of Azkaban. I think he is very fascinated of the idea that a man can change to a wolf. Huh…

He knows I don’t like the reptiles, so he will pretend to take the chameleon in the picture and said “nah mummy nak makan makan” – - try to feed to me. OMG, where do you learn such thing? Boys will be boys…

He has this book on insects with all kind of pictures. Emm.. I know grasshopper and ladybug, but some insects can be use interchangeably like beetle and bug. So kekadang harinie I cakap beetle, esok I cakap bug hehe…AE will quickly correct me. Hehe…sukati aku je kelentong. Yesterday he found ladybug for the first time at our garden and ran to the back of the house to show daddy:).

He has a very good memory. Some of the things he said really touched my heart. Like the first day the daddy sent him to Preschool. Daddy said “Ashman, daddy nak pergi alih kereta kejap”, coz our car block the way. But then the teacher came out and told my hubby that he can leave as AE looked fine, so he left without saying goodbye. So later that day when I picked him up, AE first question was “daddy pergi mana tadi masa dekat school?”

Then there was this concert day where he reluctant to go backstage for face painting. I told him I will sit right at the bench nearest to the backstage. The teacher took him away and he cried for a good half an hour. Of course I then moved to sit with the audience. I went to pick him up after the show and he said “mommy duduk kat situ kan”, while pointing at the bench. It made me felt guilty and wondered whether he has been eyeing the bench all that time and didn’t see me…

Well, I’ll write some other time about his first concert and his Preschool. Some parents have been asking about his school, but we just started sending him last October hence it’s still too early to make any recommendation. However except for the morning separation-crying part, alhamdulilah things have been pretty good. Well, we still can’t imagine how to cope when the school opens this January though…Talk about holiday hangover for a 3-year old…*sigh*

A reason, a season, or a lifetime

Last week I was talking to my colleagues about my son’s preschool and the conversation trailed to our own preschool, and suddenly it turned out that one of my colleague was… my classmate in kindergarten!!! Can you believe it? We have been working together for almost a year, occasionally have lunches together and do not recognize each other!!! Hahaha so irony!

Trying to recall the memory lane, apparently both of us only remembered one classmate’s name each; namely our best friend back then. It’s the best friend that you line up with, sit next to, and basically do everything together. Seriously, both of us can’t recall any other names (except of this one fat cute boy hahaha). Then we search back the class photo and manage to recall a few other names, although the memories quite vague.

This makes me conclude that back then you usually have only one best friend, or two. Then when you are in primary school, you have a circle of friends. Of coz high school was all about popularity, being in the ‘group’. In college, the circle got wider and more diverse. The more friends you have in facebook (or back then friendster), the more excited you were. (I can’t remember why anymore as I have past that phase).

Then enter working life. Your so called-friends mainly revolve around your colleagues as you meet and have lunch with them almost everyday. Nevertheless efforts to have colleagues as friends don’t always work out. For professional reasons, there are better to remain as colleagues. So looks like the number of friends have normal curve shape (bell shape). It peaked in the teen and then again subsides.

Well…you promise to be ‘friends forever’ or ‘keep in touch’ with everyone, but as you gets older, you will only keep in touch with a handful of them. In my case, I can say I still keep in touch with roughly 10% of them (oh I’m so not happening!). Keep in touch meaning you actually talk or at least sms, not just virtually via fb status.

Then there’s also this ‘un’friend concept, also introduced by facebook haha… I guess when you get older, you don’t like crowd that much and un’friend’ those whom no longer there for you, physically or emotionally. In contrast, some disconnect themselves from social network due to personal reasons such as yet-to-marry, yet-to-get 1st baby, post-partum depression, etc. I understand the world now is a hard place to live so to have the social network add to pressures can be a heavy burden.

There were also friends who talk behind your back, and those who you haven’t meet for many years but can still click over a coffee session. This reminded me a quote I read somewhere saying there are friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I realised that I have friends from all the three categories and I thanked Allah for giving me chance to enjoy such beautiful friendships with so many colorful people in my life.

To my friends,
Although in future I might loss memories of some names (I hope not!), I really cherish our friendship.
I believe you have made me to be a better person.
Forgive me for any wrongdoings, believe me it’s unintentional.
Thank you for the friendship. If I can turn back time, you will still be my friend:).

highlight of the day

Have not been blogging for far too long!!!

I wanted to about 2 weeks ago but keep on postponing sampai cerita pun dah lapuk haha…apparently quiet busy lately at both home and office. Well takde lah busy macam orang lain, just busier than before.

Now that we have officially start to send AE to preschool (effective October), I did not have chance to meet him in the morning. Coz my office hour starts at 8am, the dad will send him everyday instead. So to counter the lost credit hours, I will leave office sharp everyday so I can pick him early. That means all my office works have to be completed about one hour earlier than normal. Well it taught me to be more efficient at work though so no complaint.

Plus remember earlier I blog about AE sometimes have tantrum. I realised now that I pick him up earlier things have been smoother. There were no more tantrum alhamdulilah. (okay really need to be careful with the choice of words or else it’s going to be jinxed again haha). But maybe the tantrum has now past since he is bigger; approaching 3rd birthday soon. 3-year old! So fast!!!

He says new sentences every day, new discovery every day, and surprises me every day sometimes I’m not able to catch up and write it down anymore. I hate that coz previously I always write every new things he accomplished so that when I’m old (insyaAllah kalau panjang umur) I will read the wonderful memories of watching a child grow.

Anyway now that AE is going to be 35 months, he’s so into dinosaurs and dragon. I think it all started with the “How to Train Your Dragon” movie. I realised AE don’t really like to watch Cartoon Network etc. His movie trail started with Finding Nemo (we watched that for months!), then Madagascar 1, Madagascar 2, Shrek 1, Shrek 2, Shrek 3, Shrek 4, How to Train Your Dragon, Ratatouille, Ice Age 3, and now Monster Inc. Quiet a Pixar boy huh:). Sometimes, he still watches the baby Einstein collection and nursery rhymes in youtube and he will say “Nie Ashman suka masa small” :) .

AE will also now say cute things like “Kan mummy kata”, mimicking me or “kacaulah Ashman”, telling me to tickle him.

Other than tv & Iphone, AE now into puzzles, trains and pillow fights. We will pretend we are dinosaurs (or dragon) attacking the big dinosaur (daddy) hahaha… He loves to dance to all kind of music, although he is still a shy boy if surrounded by many people.

Food wise, AE now love soup, noodles, fish, sate, cekodok and chocolate cake. I am not a kuih-lover, but for him, I did my best to fry cekodok for the first time ever in my life:). Unconditional love huh. Maybe next time I’ll try to bake a chocolate cake;).

Ashman Ehsan,
I look forward to hug and kiss you everyday.
To play and laugh with you.
To cuddle with you till sleep.
You are simply the highlight of my day, everyday.

my highlight

my unexpected love to IT

I am no gadget-geek. I’m a typical lady who likes purple and simple things. A movie like Matrix is a seriously no-no. So is it a surprise that I feel sad to hear Steve Jobs passed away? Well, I do feel sad. What makes Steve different with other computer geek is that he understands people like me. He knows what I need, how to help me navigate the hard-to-comprehend IT stuff. Now without him, how can I upgrade my handphone in a few years time?? Of course once you are Apple, you won’t go back…

Not only me. Because of him, my 2-year old son knows how to use youtube and sharpen his IQ playing jigsaw puzzle, moron test, and dozens of other kids Apps. Jobs’ creativity to invent iTunes makes mother like me feel better that although my son is playing computer gadget, it is an educational type and gets a lot of approval from other parents, too.

Of course these are all beyond my expectation. As I said, I’m no tech geek. I’m not fond to change my handphone. Many friends changed their handphone every year but I couldn’t care less. People asked what’s your BB pin? And I’m like huh??? I’m so not attracted looking at that black bold phone. It looks like business-executive type which is so not me.

But one fine day, I had a dinner with two of my ex-bosses. I looked up both of them for their brilliance minds and humility attitudes (we’ll talk about my bosses another day). So they talked about their Iphone and I immediately intrigued. It’s like love at first sight.

Without further due, I told my hubby I want to buy Iphone 4, so one early morning he queued for me at maxis klcc (at that time it was limited to 100 units per day) and 3 hours later I got it. My first Apple’s product; and the rest is history.

Jobs death brought memories of my first encounter with Apple’s product. Back in year 2000 at UW Wisconsin, I wanted to print something very urgent and rush to the computer lab. There were apparently long que but I actually saw a lot of available stations so I went ahead to use one.

Erkk…this is a different computer..camne nak guna nie…mouse die pun lain macam.
I find difficulty to navigate, open folders, and print but finally managed to do so. Then only I realised the computer lab was actually divided by 50% PCs and 50% Apples and half of the lab was empty, meaning the long queue at the front door were waiting for PCs. I guess mat saleh pun find difficulty to use Apples coz we were so custom with normal PCs.

If I was Steve Jobs looking at that view, I will think I had failed. Not him. Even my Marketing 101 class in year 2001 had a topic about Apple’s failure to capture the market share, and we discuss reasons why it had failed for 50 minutes. I can’t remember the reasons anymore, I can dig my lecture notes, but I am optimistic it didn’t say because Steve is too-visionary and futuristic.

Now 11 years later, the world surround you will tell if he has failed.

AE with other kids at one of raya gathering

His speech at Stanford has inspired millions of people including me. Reading it makes me so excited to pursue my dream. Especially now that my INCEIF study is complete, I’m excited to grasp the next challenge. May Allah leads me to the right path.

So not only I’m in love with his creation, but also his perseverance in life. Btw, let say I need to buy a lappie in the future, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be MAC.

His full speech:

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.
My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960′s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

jinx!

My writing is jinxed.

Around last year Suria asked in this blog whether AE play with the vase+stick at my house (based on the picture posted in this blog) and I said no. The next day, he played with it and the vase broke!

Then I wrote about the wing wizard, Ryan Giggs…how he was consistently good. Not only on the field, but maintaining a clean image, unlike other football players. Not soon after that, stories leaked out about his scandal. OMG!!! He has been playing for more than 20 years kenapa baru sekarang cerita nak keluar huhu….

The optimal happened in my last entry when I said I have 1 month to finalise my project paper. Turned out the next day I got a call from INCEIF asking for my final paper and give me 1 day to submit it!!! Seriously 1 month tukar jadik 1 day!!! (It’s not INCEIF’s fault though, just miscommunication between me and my advisor). Saya terus kelam kabut kalah lipas kudung hanya Allah saja yang tahu sebab time tu memang kerja ofis banyak giler…

I know these are all coincidences but I feel like I should be more careful in my writing and don’t really try to say things about the future too much :) . Well, anyway the due date was last Wednesday so I dah submit and now hoping for the best.

It’s Friday and I feel like going shopping and eating chocolate fudge…any takers?

Have a great weekend!

syawal

Hello Hello Happy Hari Raya!!!

I knew it is 3 more days before Syawal end, almost too late to wish but better late than never right? I wanted to update a few times but somehow the wordpress was very slow at my office. [Okay I know it means I shouldn't blog during office hour, so no complaint there]

Syawal was great, alhamdulilah the whole family gathered and AE get ample time to play with his cousins. I got to eat almost everything; amongst my favorite were nasi dagang, lontong, & ayam masak merah. Halfway through Syawal only I realised that I should be careful now with my food intake as I already stop breastfeeding *sigh*. [Oh I'm gonna miss the wonder of burning calories without need to sweat].

Anyhow, I was quite busy last 30 days. Other than busy eating delicious raya delicacies, I’m busy with work and my final INCEIF paper. After zillions times told by hubby, finally I managed to pull all courage that I had to start the paper and manage to do it in 1 month. It is a compulsory project paper if you want to graduate. But since it has been 6 months after my last exam, my brain has gone rusty thus my advisor return the paper saying “please improvise bla bla…grammatical and linguistic error bla bla”

OMG!!! That means now I have exactly one month to revise the paper before the dateline. To top that, we are approaching the end of quarter year; which means my workload at the office will increase significantly, as it does every quarter.

I also need to tackle AE’s new attitude of not wanting to go to his daycare almost every morning. I’m not exactly sure why. Some of the reasons I can think of are…
1. The long raya holiday
2. Too clingy post-breastfeeding effect
3. He is already a big boy now so the daycare is no longer that fun – does this mean he is ready for a proper playschool?
4. Both of us came back home late almost everyday since the long raya holiday, around 8pm

There you go…now my mind is juggling between my 4Quarter Strategy Report, INCEIF paper, AE’s playschool, and diet regime. Wow women are a multi tasker indeed!!!. But somehow I’m still calm and seizing the day like it is friday…Oh girl stop procrastinate!!!

Happy Hari Raya. Maaf zahir batin from the bottom of my heart.

the whole family members, without Along (the cameraman) and Angah's family yang jauh di Pasir Puteh hehe...

ucapan selamat hari raya..dari kami untuk semua:)

Weaning from the breast

It was actually a hard one for us; honestly it was as hard as when we first started 2 years 8 months ago. Actually the whole thing began way back 8 months ago, when AE turned 2 years old. I was damn excited with the fact to stop bf as a lot of my friends stopped; I didn’t really do much research into it. A friend told me she slept separately with her child for 1 week in order to wean, and it worked for her.

We were going to Penang that February, so the thought of no need to feed him in public during travel made me more excited. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about breastfeeding and love our magical bond, but public’s view on breastfeeding baby was not the same with toddler. Firstly, people will look at you differently. Then they will ask how old is he, and then they will frowned when realized he’s a boy (but of course some are still quiet supportive).

Plus sometimes AE asked for a feed when he felt shy, sad or insecure, which I felt was no longer necessary now that he is a big boy (I was actually wrong here).

So one day we tried the separate-sleep plan, get hubby to sleep with him. Oh he cried and cried and cried for almost 1 hour, it really tearing my heart apart listening to him behind the door. Finally he was asleep. But when he woke up at 3am for feed, I fed him directly coz I really didn’t have a heart to hear him cry again.

After posted about it in my FB status, a friend told me not to push it too hard; coz then it will be harder for both of us (so true!). She said her first son wean when he almost 3 years old, where the child actually stop by himself. So I kinda change my plan; maybe we should just wean during the day but not at night yet. At first the plan worked, but AE knew the art of bargain. He will say things like “nak sket je”. I let him but with a condition that he has to drink bottle milk after that. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t.

After 5 days, dengan izin Allah, AE caught gingivostomatitis, some sort of a gum disease that led to swelling and sores (gusi die nampak merah lain macam) and he reluctant to eat. Of course being a mom, I can’t stand that and finally gave in. After he recovered, I want to start wean again but AE being a smarty pants, he will said “sakit mulut” (mouth ache).

Well, I then declared that the plan has failed. AE was not ready and neither was I. I guess every baby is different. So we just continue direct feeding as usual and AE was even more reluctant to drink from milk bottle when we were at home. Okay sangat fail lah my plan!

When he surpassed 2 years & 6 months, I thought about weaning again. This time I asked more people and read a bit more. Only then I realised there were actually a handful articles on weaning from the breast on the net. (coz before this ingatkan weaning from the milk je…). I studied AE’s drinking pattern and realised that he will usually asked for bf immediately when he came back from daycare. It’s like sometimes he looks forward to at the end of the day.
But if it’s on weekend, he didn’t really bother about it until much later. At night, he will feed prior sleep, at 3.00am, 6.00am and when he woke up in the morning. In fact, that was the time he will feed the longest, cuddling and feeding and cuddling again sambil tersenyum2. I love those moments!

As people said it generally takes 1 week to wean completely, I felt the 1 week raya break was a perfect timing. Plus we will spend time 24/7 together thus hopefully he won’t feel too sad. Otherwise I feel it will be too hurtful to tell him there’s no more milk when he comes back from daycare.

The night before, I already prepared him – telling him tomorrow there will be no more milk coz it will all be finished thus he will have to drink bottle. So on the first day, after he got his feeding & cuddling moments, I put coffee on my breast. So later when he asked for it, I told him the milk was finished and my breast was hurt and showed him. He didn’t even try to drink but I told him I can always hug him still.

Surprisingly, he hugged me and cuddle with me (I actually didn’t expect this). I then realized how much emotional support the breastfeeding has actually given him. No wonder our first attempt by trying to separate-sleep failed terribly. I guess every baby is different so you have to trial and error.

At night, as expected he woke up at 3.00am crying and struggling exactly like an addict. He attempted to drink but I went to sleep prepared with coffee, so he immediately withdrew. He just hugged me tight and fell asleep back again. Such drama repeated for a few nights, until last night was the first time ever he slept the whole night. Yeayy!!!

As for me, I felt emotionally more ready this time. But I didn’t expect the physical challenge my body giving me. Coz I thought AE was only a casual drinker, just for comfort rather than thirst. Plus, I never felt engorge at work since I stopped pumping one year ago (basically he just drank at night and during weekends).

Still, the first night, my breasts engorged like during post-partum. My milk kept on leaking, rasa macam nak kasik AE minum je but then defeat the purpose lah kan…
So I tried to ignore it, in a way telling my body to stop producing. I realised this meant that AE actually drank a lot at night. Nevertheless the second night, the pain was so unbearable I was crying in the bathroom. I tried to motivate myself by imagining all the baju kurung moden that I can finally wear (sabar jer lah). By the next morning during sahur, I have to pump out coz I felt like my mind was exploding. I got 4oz, didn’t pump the whole thing. Just enough to make sure the pain went away. By the forth day, finally the engorgement went away.

So that’s the tale of us finally weaning from breastfeeding. Sangat penuh emosi hahaha…Happy Friday!

diarrhea oh diarrhea

Last weekend, we went back to kampung for 3 days to break-fast with my in law. Alhamdulilah the journey was smooth, AE had fun chasing roosters and we enjoyed ourselves shopping macam ‘orang kaya’ at param coz everything was much cheaper than KL.

We arrived back at KL on sunday. However later that night, AE told me he had stomachache. But since he has no fever, we still sent him to the daycare the next day. I thought maybe he was tired from the journey.

But later that day, his teacher told me AE had diarrhea 4 times already and he started having fever. We brought him to his pediatrician straight away, Dr Ong at Ampang Point.  The doctor gave us paracetamol and advised us not to worry too much on the diarrhea but to tackle the fever first, and just ensure he was not dehydrated.

The next day I decided to stay home and monitor him. He passed tools about 10x, but at the same time still quite energetic, talking and eating. But that night I realised there was blood in his stool! Damn!!! I’ve been going through Miriam Stoppard’s book and it clearly said that blood in stool was one of the sign parents should worry about.

So the next day morning we brought him back to his paed. Tapi rupanya haritu Nuzul Quran pulak, tutup clinicnya…terpaksa pergi Ampang Puteri and jumpa Dr. Wong Yoke Peng (she took over the late Dr. Haliza’s office). Quite nice lady. She checked AE’s stool and said it looked like bacteria infection (not viral) coz the stool was very black and sticky (not watery).

So she subscribed antiobiotic and suggested whether we wanted to get warded supaya senang masuk ubat. I was quite tempted of that idea and we agreed. But while waiting for the nurse to arrange the ward, tetiba my mind flashback early of the year memories Branula for CNY. Masa tu agak kesian lah tgk AE dengan branula, dahlah nurse cucuk 2 kali baru dapat. But at least time tu mmg dia lesu. But this time he was not dehydrated yet, so I suspect sure lagik mengamuk kalau kena cucuk.

So somehow we changed our mind and decided to monitor him at home instead. Melayang lah cuti annual leave ku (kalau warded dpt compassionate leave), tapi takpe lah demi kasih kan AE ku rela. The doctor said to monitor him until friday and hopefully he recover by then.

So for 3 days I stayed home with him (hubby took another day), we mainly watched Shrek (dah boley hafal dialog okay!) and played puzzles. Tapi jaga budak besar nie pun mencabar jugak. Dulu2 time die sakit tak boley cakap lagik, kita sedih sebab dia akan nangis je. Tapi skang nie dah boley cakap, macam macam jugak ragamnya.

“mummy jangan lah tutup lampu” [sedangkan time tu siang terang benderang]
“mummy janganlah makan” [azan dah berkumandang, mummy lapar weh...]
“taknak tukar pampers”
“taknak makan ubat”
“mummy taknak ikat rambut” [persal..tak cantik ke?]

Dan macam2 lagiklah sampai at the end of the day I felt emotionally exhausted. Sabarkan jer lah diri supaya tidak melenting kerana tahu dia tak sihat. Sampai kekadang I felt bad asik nak gaduh mulut dengan dia.

Another thing that made me feel bad was that the doctor suspected the diarrhea caused by param food, but truthfully I knew he didn’t eat any of that (except maybe masa kat kampung ada yg die terminum), so adakah sebenarnya masakan ku yg buat dia sakit? Plus time tu jugak lah I got my period, adoi campur ngan perut crammed skalik.

Apapun alhamdulilah AE recovering well and now dah ada appetite makan. Ae sayang, mummy loves you so much. Tak kisah lah nak kena basuh your poo poo berapa kali pun, as long as you are healthy and happy.

Btw, we managed to complete our ice-cream booth during the 4 days MC:

what flavor do you want?